The word chivalry should be taken out of use

Chivalry should join normal in the ancient word book I have started and not be used anymore. It is not even so much what words literally mean in a dictionary that bother me (let us be honest, who nowadays knows the Webster version meaning much less correct grammar) but what images the word brings to mind in people. Why did I pick the word chivalry as a word that should no longer be used? I think it is sexist and ancient. It was started as rules that knights in the middle ages were expected to follow.
Today as I was coming back from lunch, a young school boy shut a door on me. The elderly man behind me immediately opened the door for me and then proceeded to stop the teenage boy and lecture him on being chivalrous.
I thanked him but then thought about the word chivalry. I do not think that is the word we should be teaching anyone. If you think about the mental image that chivalry provokes, I immediately get images of a young Scarlett being a weak woman who needs her man to throw his coat over a puddle, a John Wayne cowboy saving a damsel in distress, or a Marilyn Monroe movie of men opening doors for her because she cannot open them for herself. Perhaps I do have a feminist in me, I often wonder if I fit the mold, because I find the word chivalry to invoke that men need to help women, therefore men are more thoughtful than women and are stronger than women. I can open a door and I can jump a puddle.
I think in an era of transgender power, LGBT marriage pushing forward, and so many people especially young people trying so hard to remove labels of any kind, that we should do away with the idea of gender roles. We should do away with the expectations of these roles. I think the expectations of roles is what leads to people to ask “who is the top? Who is the bottom?”, “are you butch or femme?”, and “who wears the pants in this family?”. Those questions drive me nuts. Even lesbians are guilty of it. I had an ex who felt strongly from years of heterosexual, gender norm brain washing that if I called myself butch then I should not dress in girls clothes and should open every door for her, pull out every chair for her, and apparently know how to fix absolutely anything that broke. Sorry, but I could care less how to use a hammer or following IKEA instructions. I am usually distracted by the books I am writing or something on the history channel.  When you put the expectation of butch or femme on a partner, or any gender role for that matter, then are you not putting the opposite expectation on yourself? (when will we learn not to do that!?!?). If that works for your relationship then great, I am just saying it is time we stop having expectations and such narrow meanings of words but at the same time we should eliminate the ones we cannot change the mental image of like chivalry.
I prefer equal. I will open the door for you if I am first and you can open it for me if you are first. Girls should be taught that they do not need boys to do anything for them. Sure it is nice to open the door for someone but it does not matter the gender of who opens the door or the gender of who opens the door for them. It is called being polite and polite is the word everyone should use. He should have yelled at the young man for not being polite instead of not being chivalrous.

Summer of Self Love

Do not mistake this for an anti-love approach. I am by no means bitter or lonely. I actually was reminded why hiatus is really, really good for me. Sure, I have had offers for dates since newly single. I even browsed, with friends over beers, the fun and open land of online personals. I took mine down because within one day it was like a swarm of bees. I do believe in love. I have no doubt that one day I will meet someone who can equal me on ego-centricity (a new word I coined for self love), intelligence, emotional depth, and communication skills. If I exist at this level then surely someone else will finally as well.  I need someone with internal strength. I know it will happen because I have depths of good karma and a very unshakeable and solid belief in energy. However, I also have patience. I refuse to bring another person into any subconscious or not yet displayed luggage from my last relationship by allowing myself to be overwhelmed by newness or need. Anyone that knows me knows I stuff nothing away for later and open my mouth the minute I think it should be said. Later is useless. I am too good for average reactions from my own self. I prefer now. Confrontation is the healthy saturation of words and emotion that lead you to healthy contemplation.

I wrote an article four years ago about how you should use the equation of waiting a certain amount/time you were together before starting anything new. I still believe in it.  Of course, waiting does not guarantee anything will work and unfortunately you cannot do ink blot tests on first dates but it does guarantee that you do not repeat mistakes, rebound on another innocent person, and if it does end then you walk away without any doubt as to why it ended on your part. It guarantees that you are not being selfish to only inevitably hurt someone with that selfish need. Spare me the “we are just dating, “it is what it is”, ” we are not committed”, and “we are just talking” mumbo- jumbo that everyone uses as camo for “I am emotionally needy but not labeling it makes me look like I am not.” Your friends nod at you and say I support you and then go home and talk about “there she goes again.”

It is very easy for anything to play on our weaknesses. Spring is in the air. Where as we probably spent most of the past few months indoors or with close friends because the weather was nasty, we now emerge into more social settings. It has been psychologically proven test after test that people do not pay attention to other people as much when it is cold, especially since we are clothed in layers and such. We pay more attention to people when the weather warms and people are less dressed and smile more. Therefore, those same couples we saw all winter, we now notice more in Spring. Commercials flood our sub conscious with two people, not one, but two going on vacations, movies, bars, etc. Have you not noticed how many times a day you now see ads for e harmony and match? The marketing people know that we mammals that call ourselves human are not immune to the impact of Spring.

Do I say ignore it? No. Sometimes the only way to get to a good point of self love and being an emotionally and mentally healthy person is to do like some did in their 20’s already and go one relationship right to the next until something finally clicks and you go “oh”. I say though to actually, if you can, practice self love as well (get your mind out of the gutter), I am not talking about masturbation or going on a diet or joining that exercise group that you really could do, just like masturbation, all by yourself if you just tried. Do not give your energy to the advertisement of diets, dating sites, or the new glorified gym teacher who stands there and tells you how THEY are going to change your life. Really? you need someone to stand in front of you and tell you what to do? Who can change your life other than you? Do they have their lives in order to be giving out advice? Why would you ever pay for the things that life really offers for free when you are tuned in and enjoying being self motivated?

Summer of Self Love…I mean what are you going to do that actually betters you on the inside: emotionally and mentally? I want to know. I want to start a movement that counters the advertisement of need and actually focuses on self improvement that only you can give you. Make a video and send it to: jenswarm1@gmail.com and tell me about your Summer of Self Love…I plan on putting them all together to post online and put out for the world.  Come on, do it (that is about as persuasive as I get). I love me and cannot think of why you would not.

Tomato soup and grilled cheese with mustard and hot sauce on the side…

I had a random memory today that changed the day. I wanted to get to lunch and back quickly because I felt overwhelmed, too busy, and stressed. By taking this short cut, that meant I had to walk outside in the cold and rain a bit. I am willing to do whatever is needed when I feel that I am being inconvenienced. The cold wind pierced my face and changed my appetite for chicken and salad. My mind, on a whim of its own, went back to my childhood with my Nana and how when it was cold she would heat up tomato soup and make a grilled cheese sandwich on the side that she dipped into mustard mixed with hot sauce. I could almost taste it as if I could also hear Bonanza blaring off of her TV too loudly. She would always randomly show up during my work day with something to eat in hand. Thinking about her brings memories of chili, slim jim’s, and peppermint patties (no, not all at the same time).
She has been gone six years and the memories make me walk a little slower on my break and think of others that are gone. My Uncle Danny who used to cook us pancakes when my Aunt would get ready for church and how my cousin would gross me out when he would sneeze near the new pile of pancakes. My former boss who always crosses my mind when someone is popping popcorn. He was a business man who would take a break and adorn a ridiculous ball cap and apron to pop us popcorn in his machine so we would also take a break and socialize. All missed and gone too long.
They say if you stay in the past, you miss the present. Perhaps we are too busy in the present trying to get to the future that the past can remind us to slow down. I can easily miss those passed on but forget to make new memories with those who are still with me:
My Mom, still here, who loves cereal or a really good milkshake. My sister, still here, who will cheat with me on an order of bread sticks or want frozen yogurt even when there is ice on the ground. My girlfriend, still here, who for some reason I love having Pho with. Perhaps it is the way she is bundled up in pink scarf, gloves, winter hat, and shares a bowl of food with me. My friends, those still here, who enjoy a good laugh over various nice meals. My niece and nephew, still here, who as children thought I performed magic when I placed hot cinnamon rolls on the table but now are grown and have kids of their own.
I took a short cut today to hurry through my day and found memories that reminded me to slow down. Life is busy but you have to spend time with those who make it full. I took my time, went back to my office, and spent a few minutes talking to everyone about how their life is going and the stress, being overwhelmed, and busy were immediately gone. The next time I get in a hurry or too busy to call someone I love to tell them I love them, I’ll do what I did today and have a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich with mustard and hot sauce on the side.